I’ve been struggling with this post for a couple days, but what the hell, I’m putting it out there.
I’m not a writer by a long stretch. This is me sharing my thoughts. Doesn’t make sense to you? Makes even less sense to me.
I’ve been suffering from a bout of the blues lately. Badly. Poisoning myself with cigarettes. And I kept asking myself “Why?”
The answers came to me slowly, but they came. Some people also helped to point these things out. And they didn’t tiptoe around the issue. They said it like it is. It’s not easy admitting to yourself you’re wrong.
I tended to rely on other people or things for happiness. I wasn’t taking responsibility for my life. I wasn’t being a MAN.
And yes, this is hard for me to put out there. But there might be someone out there just like me that needs to read this.
It’s a sensitive topic. Sure. Admitting to the world that I haven’t been acting like a man is no easy task. But this is me, and I’m making the changes I need to. Take it or leave it.
I think the three answers are all interlinked.
Relying on other people for something isn’t being responsible. It isn’t being a man. Effectively, I’ve been putting my power in other people’s hands. What the hell for? To be accepted, liked or loved? That’s the wrong way to go about it. It starts with ME. My life. My happiness.
Being responsible for what I want and my happiness is actually a huge relief to me. It’s up to nobody else but me.
What am I doing to improve?
I’m waking up and getting shit done.
I’m going to the gym.
I’m reading (it’s the introvert in me).
I’m doing all the stuff that I wanna do.
I’m working on my business.
I’m apologising less.
I’m not relying on people. They’re either in or they’re out.
I’m not compromising. There are certain things that I want and need in my life, and I’ll make it happen.
You have to figure out what it is you want in your life and you have to go out and get it. Nobody’s going to do it for you. The most rewarding experience in life is getting something that you’ve worked your ass off for.
I’m clearly not perfect. But this is a process. A journey. And I’ve taken the first few steps. The thing is, once you’ve started taking those first steps, it gets a whole lot easier than you thought it would be.